New Beginnings

As I watched my father laying in a hospital bed of an emergency room tears streaming down his face I made a silent vow to myself to change. I had never seen him cry before and he did so not out of pain or anger but mostly out of fear and regret. He had just turned 58 when he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. The doctors told him that most people with this form of cancer don't live longer than a year. This was a shock to me as I am sure it was to him because for my entire life my father had been the rock that held our family together. To imagine my life without him was devastating but he maintained the mentality of, "it is what it is." There were so many things my father never got a chance to do in life that I know he wanted to. His life was far from perfect and seems like an open parenthesis waiting for a conclusion that is never going to come. I don't want that to be me. I want to live life to the absolute fullest. I want to dream hard and work harder. It would be easy to get wrapped up into my own grief and despair but I would rather honor my Dad's memory by making him proud of the changes I have made. At least something positive can come out of something so negative.

The changes are ones I know will lead me to be a happier, healthier person and to be proud of what I've done with my life. Some of them are also inspired by my fear of getting cancer. My list of goals for myself are as follows:
-I am going to start a diet and exercise plan. I have decided to give up meat, corn syrup, and processed foods. I am going to survive on mostly fruits and vegetables. I am addicted to fast food. It is a horrible addiction that I have had my entire life and I believe my father's addiction to fast food contributed to his death. I am overweight, unhealthy, and not happy with myself and as far as I can tell I am the only one holding me back so I am going to change this. I am going to start working out at the gym at my apartment and take yoga, pilates, and spin classes there.
-I am going to train my butt off for roller derby. It is something that I have been wanted to do for years but have been afraid to do it because I didn't want to look like a fool on roller skates. I have started skating and I am not very good at it but I am determined to get better and eventually get on a team. This will also help keep me in shape because roller derby is great exercise. It will also help with my next goal.
-I am going to make more friends. I need to branch out of my comfort zone and socialize with other people.
-I am going to start working towards the career I want. I have been unhappy for the last few years because I feel like the work I have done is meaningless. I want a job where I can be creative. But most importantly I want to enjoy what I do which is why I'm going to start beauty school and work on learning everything I can about makeup.
-I am going to start posting more tutorials and videos on YouTube. My YouTube is something I have enjoyed doing but have not been as dedicated as I need to be to it.
-I am going to be the most amazing girlfriend to my boyfriend that I can be. My boyfriend and I have been together for eight years and he has helped me through everything especially my father's illness. I owe it to him to be as happy and healthy as I can be so we can look forward to many blissful years together.
-I am going to update this blog regularly with information about how I am trying to tackle all of my goals and hopefully add some more goals as I go.