Healthy Body

Part of my resolution to myself was to go on a diet. I actually don't want to call it that. Diet seems so negative and like a fad. Lifestyle change is more appropriate. It's not about limiting myself like a diet would imply it's more about supply myself with better options of what I eat. I just want to be healthier and feel better. Losing weight isn't my MAIN goal but it is a goal. I don't really have anything against being bigger. I've been big my entire life and I've gotten used to it. But I do feel like I could be healthier and I don't feel like the weight I am at right now is healthy. It's tough to look at yourself in the mirror and know that you aren't healthy because of the eating habits you have. I don't want to be unhappy because I'm fat; I just want to fix it! I know that if I lose weight I will feel better about myself but I need to do it in a way that is permanent and not just a fad. This is why I feel like dieting doesn't work. With that said this is how I changed my eating habits. I am addicted to fast food. It took me years to admit it but I have come to terms with it. I grew up eating junk food and fast food. Rarely did we have home cooked meals. It was mostly fast food and microwavable food. So as an adult I carried these eating habits with me. The thing is I started learning about all the processes that go into making fast food and what you are really eating yet I continued to eat it. This was when it became apparent to me that it was a full on addiction. It got worse when I could drive because I would just drive to any fast food location and consume more fast food than a normal person would. Portions defiantly play a role into why I am overweight but the bigger problem is what I was eating. After my Dad passed away I made the promise to him and to myself that I would be a healthier person. When I moved back to Austin I cleaned my kitchen of any foods I knew wouldn't be good for me. I stopped eating anything with corn syrup (this includes sodas), meat, and milk. I didn't give up dairy entirely because I still eat cheese and butter but I do so in moderation. I've been trying to eat mostly fruits and veggies and whole grains. So far I've done good. I only recently started the change in eating (I am four days in) but I did feel a change in my body. The first couple of days I felt kind of sick. I was tired and weak feeling but I really think that was more the toxins coming out of my system. I still haven't gotten back up to 100% but I can feel the energy returning and hopefully within the next couple of weeks my body will re-adjust to eating healthy foods and feel better. I haven't eaten any fast food in over a week and I feel pretty proud of myself knowing that. I know it's going to take a while but every little step will help me improve.

On another note. I have been working on starting school. Another one of my goals has been to go to beauty school to get licensed in Cosmetology so I can do hair. I had applied to do this a year ago but because I was under 23 Financial Aid counted me as a dependent on my Dad and wouldn't give me money for school because my Dad made too much. This was a little ridiculous because my Dad lived in a different state and I was making barely any money myself. I am 23 now and I re-applied and they are giving me the maximum! Which is good because now I can actually afford to start school. I should be starting September 13th and I am both scared and excited about starting. I am excited to start working towards what I really want to do and scared that I wont be good at it.

I am back in Austin, Texas. Unpacking all of my stuff has proven to be difficult. I seem to have more stuff than I remember. Hopefully I will finish unpacking this week and not be living out of boxes any longer. My cat Wedge has adjusted pretty well to being back here. He is calmer than he was in California!

New Beginnings

As I watched my father laying in a hospital bed of an emergency room tears streaming down his face I made a silent vow to myself to change. I had never seen him cry before and he did so not out of pain or anger but mostly out of fear and regret. He had just turned 58 when he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. The doctors told him that most people with this form of cancer don't live longer than a year. This was a shock to me as I am sure it was to him because for my entire life my father had been the rock that held our family together. To imagine my life without him was devastating but he maintained the mentality of, "it is what it is." There were so many things my father never got a chance to do in life that I know he wanted to. His life was far from perfect and seems like an open parenthesis waiting for a conclusion that is never going to come. I don't want that to be me. I want to live life to the absolute fullest. I want to dream hard and work harder. It would be easy to get wrapped up into my own grief and despair but I would rather honor my Dad's memory by making him proud of the changes I have made. At least something positive can come out of something so negative.

The changes are ones I know will lead me to be a happier, healthier person and to be proud of what I've done with my life. Some of them are also inspired by my fear of getting cancer. My list of goals for myself are as follows:
-I am going to start a diet and exercise plan. I have decided to give up meat, corn syrup, and processed foods. I am going to survive on mostly fruits and vegetables. I am addicted to fast food. It is a horrible addiction that I have had my entire life and I believe my father's addiction to fast food contributed to his death. I am overweight, unhealthy, and not happy with myself and as far as I can tell I am the only one holding me back so I am going to change this. I am going to start working out at the gym at my apartment and take yoga, pilates, and spin classes there.
-I am going to train my butt off for roller derby. It is something that I have been wanted to do for years but have been afraid to do it because I didn't want to look like a fool on roller skates. I have started skating and I am not very good at it but I am determined to get better and eventually get on a team. This will also help keep me in shape because roller derby is great exercise. It will also help with my next goal.
-I am going to make more friends. I need to branch out of my comfort zone and socialize with other people.
-I am going to start working towards the career I want. I have been unhappy for the last few years because I feel like the work I have done is meaningless. I want a job where I can be creative. But most importantly I want to enjoy what I do which is why I'm going to start beauty school and work on learning everything I can about makeup.
-I am going to start posting more tutorials and videos on YouTube. My YouTube is something I have enjoyed doing but have not been as dedicated as I need to be to it.
-I am going to be the most amazing girlfriend to my boyfriend that I can be. My boyfriend and I have been together for eight years and he has helped me through everything especially my father's illness. I owe it to him to be as happy and healthy as I can be so we can look forward to many blissful years together.
-I am going to update this blog regularly with information about how I am trying to tackle all of my goals and hopefully add some more goals as I go.